I guess it’s that time of year, and after some close consideration, I have come up with my New Year’s Resolutions, some of which I didn’t come up with myself, but they seem like a good idea.

I will tweet and update my Facebook status on a more regular basis with every thought that has ever occurred to me in case anyone needs to know these things. I will start right now by telling you I am extremely tired because it is way past my usual bed time (and what was I waiting for anyway? Was I expecting donuts to fall from the sky at midnight?).

I will die my hair a different color every week. Do a Fifty Shades of Red montage.

I will spend less than $2000 a month at Starbucks. Coffee Bean could use some of my money too.

I will drive closer to the speed limit. Much closer.

I will hold more grudges. I think I am entirely too forgiving, and some grudge holding could only do me good. This will lead to stress and perhaps some nagging, both of which I heard were extremely desirable traits in a woman.

I will stop being so proactive. Everything will be last minute from now on. I will recklessly abandon all responsibility, let my children run like savages, and live like a wild woman. I am sure this will be a positive things for my career and overall wellbeing.

I will lose even more weight. Rumor has it anorexia will be all the rage in 2014.

I will blog more. Three times a day isn’t enough. In fact, I resolve to abandon my entire social life and just blog at all hours (while constantly updating all of my social profiles).

I will save time, money and energy for the more important things in life (like blogging and grudge holding) by no longer cleaning my house. It will just get dirty again anyway, and since I plan on abandoning my social life in light of blogging, no one will ever know.

I will become addicted to something (other than blogging), and focus all of my remaining energy into it. And I don’t mean anything productive or beneficial like my endorphin addiction that gets me running every morning. No, this new addiction will be harmful (but not lethal in the short term). Then, next year I can make a resolution to kick the habit. (Great, hasn’t even been three minutes, and I have already broken the previous resolution to stop planning ahead).

Well, with all these wonderful ideas I am sure my life will improve drastically and I will be just around the corner from great success and happiness.

Happy New Year everyone!