Last night, after a very hectic work week, a busy day and more drama than I care to think about, I rushed home because I had my online audition for Jeopardy!

I love Jeopardy! and have been watching the show regularly for nearly twenty years. I am also pretty good at trivia. Or so I thought, until last night. I think by the end of round one, I was stupider than before (as can be evinced by my incorrect use of language since “stupider” is not really a word). It was quick and as painless as possible, considering it illuminated my stupidity (which is word).

Scores are not immediately doled out, but needless to say, you probably won’t be seeing me on Jeopardy! any time soon.

Maybe I should try out for Wheel of Fortune. I am great at shouting out random letters, and at the very least, regardless of which one I pick, I have a one out of twenty six chance of getting it right. The odds are clearly with me.

Also, on Wheel I can’t guess vowels (unless I want to buy them, and I can’t imagine wanting to do that), so really, I have a one out of twenty two chance (math is not my strong suite either).

Now that I think about it, I am a terrible speller, and with my luck I will shout out letters that don’t actually exist, totally screwing up my one out of twenty something chance of winning.

There must be a game show out there fool proof for people like me where you can’t possibly screw up the simple instructions. In the meantime, I will be curling up on the couch with my knitting and play Jeopardy! from home. It is much more safe this way.