How have I never dated a man with a foot fetish? I mean, considering the state of my feet, statistically speaking this should have happened already. In fact, according to probability, this should have happened several times.If you look at my feet I should be a magnet for men with foot fetishes. They are so oddly shaped I could practically hypnotize a man just by wiggling my toes.

One friend suggested that I don’t advertise enough. “You wear boots all the time. You are not showcasing the goods.” I was eager to agree, but that doesn’t explain summer. I am in sandals from around May until October. Maybe I am not wearing the right kind of sandals. I wear constrictive footwear that conceals. All the other women are in flip flops, essentially the bikinis of footwear. Maybe next summer I will just go barefoot.

By now I am sure you are wondering why (for the love of God) I would be looking for this. You mean, why would I want a man who would give me unsolicited foot rubs on a regular basis? That sounds absolutely terrible, right?

I am not saying I am looking for this, per se. I am just saying, that, should it happen at some undefined point in the future, I am not adverse to whoring out my feet in exchange for said foot rubs. That’s all.

And yes, I understand that other things may be done to them as well… but… again… foot massage. Stay with me here. Focus.

I wear uncomfortable shoes all day (who’s fault is that, right?), my feet are strange looking, to put it nicely, so I generally feel guilty asking a significant other to massage them, even on my worst days when I can barely walk by the end. But, should this significant other enjoy said activity… well then…

As I write this I realize how versatile a woman’s body is. How many women do you know with foot fetishes? Have you ever even heard of this from a female perspective? But a woman’s body is a cornucopia of niche parts. For all the times I have been complimented on my knees, I am beginning to think there may be a fetish for that as well. Unfortunately I am not looking for knee massages, so this particular information is of no use to me. But it does put things in perspective. I may not attract men who like curvy women, I have never been complimented on my elbows (should I start feeling self conscious about them?), my feet have not as of yet gotten the attention they deserve, but someone out there finds some part of my body attractive. Even if it is just the shape of my collar bone.

In the meantime, taking Trish’s advice, I am “showcasing the goods” (in boots, because we don’t want anyone getting *too* excited).