Category Archives: maternity

Should I Have A Baby Shower For My Second Child?

Baby showers are a lot of fun! For your first baby. When you are having a baby shower for your second baby, regardless of having a different gender, things begin to get dicey. Who do you invite? Do you still have a registry? At first I was hesitant to even have a shower, but several family members coaxed me into the idea, assuring me it is perfectly fine. In planning my second baby shower I have been struggling with some of these hurdles and found ways to manage negative connotations that may be associated with the event.

Should I Register?

I want to celebrate the birth of our son, but I do not want anyone to feel that I am gift grabbing. I am not looking to have a baby shower just to receive clothes and toys for the baby. I genuinely want an excuse to celebrate with all our friends and relatives since I am just as excited about this baby as I was about our first. But I know a lot of people who really do want to get us stuff, so I feel as if I should have a registry more as a guide. I did not put down where we are registered on the invitation, and only mention we have a registry when asked. This way, if someone is not looking to get us anything, they should not feel obliged to do so.

What should I register for?

Again, stressing I am not trying to have a shower just to get gifts, I thought it would be best to register for small items that would not set anyone back, but would make everyone feel comfortable giving. This way, those who feel they cannot show up without a gift have something, and the rest of our guest list doesn’t have to worry about it. I comprised my entire registry of onesies, pacifiers, and booties. Nothing is over the $5-$10 range.

Who Should I Invite?

This too becomes a concern. We were so excited when I was pregnant with my daughter we invited everyone we knew to our baby shower. It was a massive event which took almost as long as a wedding to plan and coordinate. Even though my excitement has not weaned, others’ has. This time around, we limited the invite list considerably. We kept it to family, and a few close friends. Now I am beginning to wonder if we limited it too much. I fear some of our friends may feel slighted that they were not also invited. What if they hear about the baby shower from mutual friends and feel as though we do not perceive them as important? Will they wonder why we didn’t want them there celebrating with us? Hopefully not.

What do you think about second baby showers?

25 Things I Hate About Being Pregnant

1. Maternity clothes are super comfortable, but not exactly chic.
2. Being constantly hungry.
3. Not being able to dye my hair anymore.
4. Having long, strong nails that I cannot polish due to hormones.
5. Feeling tired all the time.
6. Often having blotchy skin.
7. Sometimes being violently kicked from the inside.
8. Not being able to wear flattering shoes.
9. Shortness of breath.
10. Needing to buy things for the baby while managing a budget.
11. Decorating the nursery.
12. Sometimes feeling physically helpless and needing to rely on others for simple things such as lifting a few gallons of water.
13. Having to lather myself in cocoa butter every night to prevent stretch marks.
14. Not being able to sleep at night.
15. Complete strangers rubbing my stomach.
16. Feeling like a beached whale regardless of how attractive my husband may think I am.
17. Swollen feet.
18. Braxton Hicks.
19. Needing new bras.
20. Seeing the sales, but knowing I cannot buy the clothes.
21. Having to channel my focus to jewelry and purses since all other fashion has gone out the door.
22. Organizing a baby shower can be very stressful and costly.
23. Reading nothing but baby books.
24. Ultrasounds.
25. Feeling an inexplicable need to create cute little baby things.

Fake It Til You Make It

Being a first time mom can spark a lot of different emotions from different people. Right when my daughter was born I was overwhelmed, scared and stressed. I loved her since before she was born, but once she was actually in my hands, I had no idea what to do with her.I had this tiny being for which I was now responsible, and I did not know if I would do a very good job. I read all the books, consulted all the magazines and doctors, but nevertheless nothing prepared me for being a mother. I was more exhausted than I thought was possible. In fact, I began longing for the days in college when I could go for days and days without sleep and without missing a beat. Staying up until 4 a.m. to study for an 8 a.m. final? No problem. However, waking up every one to two hours to investigate why my newborn is screaming like a banshee would leave me in a stupor.

I began thinking there was something wrong with me. I didn’t have that gene that all the other mommies have that gives them this otherworldly patience once their babies arrive. Other mommies float on silver lined clouds in perfect bliss with their bundles of joy who coo and cuddle with them lovingly. I had no clue how to comfort mine, and I felt as though my daughter knew this and resented me for it. This lead to a spiral of anxiety; the more she cried, the more I began tensing up and freaking out. Babies pick up on these types of emotions, which meant my behavior was being channeled to her, exacerbating her discomfort and hence making her cry even longer and louder.

My husband was great with her. He was calm, and knew just how to hold her. As jealous as that made me feel, I felt that if I wasn’t a good mother, at least my daughter deserved a good father. So I started retreating, believing I was doing my daughter the biggest favor by allowing her to spend endless hours with her daddy, who actually seemed to know what he was doing, despite the fact that he had never been with an infant before either. I supposed that the gene which theoretically pops up in new mothers also popped up in new fathers and he got his while I was still struggling to find mine.

My daughter was about seven months old before these notions started to disappear from my head. I started feeling more comfortable being a mother, accepting that my daughter will scream and fuss and it is not personal. I calmed down, and consequently, she did too. Now, at almost fourteen months old we bond, cuddle and play, and I have a cooing loving baby to hold.

I finally joined all the other mommies on the silver cloud.