Category Archives: new year

Resolutions

I guess it’s that time of year, and after some close consideration, I have come up with my New Year’s Resolutions, some of which I didn’t come up with myself, but they seem like a good idea.

I will tweet and update my Facebook status on a more regular basis with every thought that has ever occurred to me in case anyone needs to know these things. I will start right now by telling you I am extremely tired because it is way past my usual bed time (and what was I waiting for anyway? Was I expecting donuts to fall from the sky at midnight?).

I will die my hair a different color every week. Do a Fifty Shades of Red montage.

I will spend less than $2000 a month at Starbucks. Coffee Bean could use some of my money too.

I will drive closer to the speed limit. Much closer.

I will hold more grudges. I think I am entirely too forgiving, and some grudge holding could only do me good. This will lead to stress and perhaps some nagging, both of which I heard were extremely desirable traits in a woman.

I will stop being so proactive. Everything will be last minute from now on. I will recklessly abandon all responsibility, let my children run like savages, and live like a wild woman. I am sure this will be a positive things for my career and overall wellbeing.

I will lose even more weight. Rumor has it anorexia will be all the rage in 2014.

I will blog more. Three times a day isn’t enough. In fact, I resolve to abandon my entire social life and just blog at all hours (while constantly updating all of my social profiles).

I will save time, money and energy for the more important things in life (like blogging and grudge holding) by no longer cleaning my house. It will just get dirty again anyway, and since I plan on abandoning my social life in light of blogging, no one will ever know.

I will become addicted to something (other than blogging), and focus all of my remaining energy into it. And I don’t mean anything productive or beneficial like my endorphin addiction that gets me running every morning. No, this new addiction will be harmful (but not lethal in the short term). Then, next year I can make a resolution to kick the habit. (Great, hasn’t even been three minutes, and I have already broken the previous resolution to stop planning ahead).

Well, with all these wonderful ideas I am sure my life will improve drastically and I will be just around the corner from great success and happiness.

Happy New Year everyone!

 

New Year Resolutions – A Few Days Late

I know January first has come and gone, and I should have posted my list of resolutions earlier, but I like to give these things a lot of thought. Resolutions cannot be taken lightly. Not to mention, considering my first resolution in this list, this is most appropriate. So here are six (maybe seven, depending on how you count) things I want to accomplish this year. You can too.
Procrastinate More
I don’t think I procrastinate enough. In fact, I don’t think I procrastinate at all. This is a problem, especially since my efficiency has actually cost me more work in the past. For example, I have completed homework assignments the night they were assigned, only for the professor to change her mind the next day. That was fun. So this year I shall put off absolutely everything until the very last second and then stressfully attempt to get everything together in as little time as possible. Surely this will lead to brilliant work.
Change My Style
I have been told I dress nicely. Obviously this has to stop. This year I will stop caring about how I look. I will at all times appear as though I have just been run over by some large vehicle. I will stop ironing my work clothes – in fact, I will stop wearing work clothes altogether. All of my presentable outfits will hang in my closet indefinitely while I roam around in sweat pants and frumpy shirts.
Buy Sweat Pants
In order for the above to transpire, I shall purchase slovenly clothing, staring with sweat pants. Also some frumpy shirts. Do you buy them like that or do I actually have to make my own? Do they come with instructions?
Stop Wearing Make-up
Evidently I can’t look disheveled while sporting full make-up. This too has to come to an end. I will only wear enough make-up to look my age (or reasonably close), but not enough to seem attractive. Oh no, not the natural look. That would be too easy. I plan on wearing color palates to utterly clash with my skin tones, and eyes. Blue eye shadow, purple lip stick, and just the wrong shade of blush.
Stop Being Optimistic and Complain More
In a continuous effort to demoralize those around me I shall stop looking at the bright side. From now on I shall mope constantly. Starbucks put too much coffee in my cup? Woe is me! Do they even understand the delicate balance of coffee to creamer ratio? The trouble I will have to go to in order to spill some of it out. The burden they have placed on me! Raining you say? I hadn’t noticed as my tears far outnumber the wet drops outside. Now I can’t wear what I had originally intended. My day is ruined! Ruined, I tell you! As I shake my fists at the sky. Oh the tragedy! If only it was just one day. But now this has offset the entirety of my week. No, you cannot possibly understand. I am doomed. We are all doomed. Doomed I tell you!!
Speak Only In Hyperbole
I too often underestimate myself, but no more! From now on every single thing I do will be considered a feat of the greatest importance. Today for example I accomplished a billion things. I had to go to the grocery store and the post office. You cannot even comprehend the difficulty that that entailed. It took me the longest thirty seconds of my life to put on my sweatpants and mismatched make-up. Then I had to drive an entire one and a half blocks. And I had almost no time since the post office closes at five and I didn’t even leave the house until 4:45. It was the worst day of my life!
Come Up With More Resolutions
I don’t think this list is long enough.

New Year Resolutions

First of all, happy New Year everyone! I hope you all had an amazing New Year celebration, and came up with some wonderful resolutions. If so, I would love to hear about it, so feel free to comment below.

Like everyone else, I too have New Year resolutions. What better way to really stick to them than to make them public? Hopefully sharing these with all of you will add some incentive to really keep them up. Accountability is a wonderful thing.

1. Spend more time with my kids. Find time. Make time. Doesn’t matter how, just do it. Yes, I know, writing about spending time with my kids is completely counter intuitive since I am currently detracting from the time spent with them.

2. Gain some weight. I am currently severely under weight, and I have been trying all sorts of remedies, including eating like crazy over the holidays. Somehow I managed to lose more weight in the process. So this one will be a tough one, but I have faith in myself.

3. Working harder on my blog. This one benefits my readers as much as myself, and you can all look forward to more frequent, and useful posts this coming year!

4. Shedding the guilt. I have guilt issues. Whenever I take time for myself, even for things which are necessary, I feel guilty. You may think this is in opposition to the first resolution I have on here, but I strongly believe being able to enjoy the time I have to myself will enrich the time I spend with my kids. A sane mommy makes for a good mommy.

5. Update my wardrobe. Sometimes I look like I belong in the eighties. I really need to work on that. No, I am not using this as an excuse to go on a shopping spree. I swear.

6. Have a great year. Stuff happens. Good stuff. Bad stuff. And everything in between. However, every experience is relative. It can be good or bad depending on what you make of it.

Again, Happy New Years Everyone!

Share with everyone what you did last night below.