Category Archives: school

Is There Somewhere Else You Could Be Right Now?

I love it when people tell me I shouldn’t be in school because I have children. Because that totally makes sense, right? No, that was a trick question. The answer is no. Aside from doing something I love, there is also a better, and perhaps less selfish reason. When I grow up, how am I supposed to educate my children if I don’t first educate myself? I am not saying children of parents who weren’t formally educated can’t have educated children. And I am also not saying that education is for everyone. I am just saying that it is for me, and I hope to impart some of that upon my children.
Already at the age of two and a half my daughter understands school is important. When Ducky doesn’t want to wake up in the morning, Munchie goes over to his crib and tells him that he has to get up for school. “You have to go to school Ducky!”
Also, when Ducky cries for me and I am not there in the evening, Munchie explains to him that “mommy is at school Ducky. Don’t cry, this is good.” See, even my two year old knows. And understands.
My children will have no cognizant memory of any of this later on, and won’t know that I wasn’t there in the evening. So the answer to “shouldn’t you be home with your children right now” is yes, but I am doing something I love, which also happens to be important. Oh, and mind your own business.

I Remember

It has always been about Chaucer. But somehow I forgot. He was the reason I majored in English. I knew I would since I had first read him in ninth grade. He was the reason I went to grad school. But I forgot that too.
My personal statement for grad school was a revised version of my undergrad one that basically read “I want to go to your school because I want to take your amazing Chaucer courses. And I am totally willing to do all that math and science stuff beforehand if that is what it takes.” It worked.
And as soon as I was able to take my upper division English classes, Chaucer was the first one I signed up for. And then I took another. And another. Along with a few seminars for good measure.
I remember I had one Chaucer final on my birthday. Best present ever!
And then somehow I forgot. I went back to school, but apparently Chaucer isn’t important anymore, and no one teaches him in grad school. So I put him away. But I couldn’t stay away. I had to finagle him into something. Because I am resourceful. And a little obsessed. But mainly resourceful.
I started looking through all of my Chaucer papers, and notes, and I realized how much I enjoy this. How much time I wish I could spend on this. How much I want to dedicate to this.
A few weeks ago as I was talking to someone about the doctorate program he asked me what I want to specialize in. I didn’t really know. I knew it would be early literature. But there was nothing in particular standing out. I guess “all of it” isn’t an answer to that question. The two authors that immediately came to mind were Donne and Marvell because I wouldn’t mind. And they have always been my default. But really? I wouldn’t mind? That sounds like a terrible reason to dedicate your life to something. Because I wouldn’t mind. That is how bad marriages start. I mean, I guess it is not as bad as specializing in Gibson or… dare I say Meyer. (Is this is a thing now? If so, it really needs to stop). And I am sure I would have done it. And enjoyed it. But I wanted something more than “I wouldn’t mind.”
I know I forgot. But now I remember. And it feels so good to be this excited again. For the past year my love of literature has nearly been beaten out of me, and replaced by motions. But as I sit here playing around with ridiculous amounts of obscure research I feel a happiness I haven’t felt in a long time. Oh… so this is what it has all been leading up to. That moment, in the middle of the night, when you realize what you are going to do with the rest of your life.

I Go On, and On….

I was supposed to be doing homework tonight. Except I am about three weeks ahead with my coursework. And I have had just about enough of school this week. So I am on Pinterest instead. Being totally productive. Actually I have been a little too productive lately. So maybe I should take tonight off. Considering what time it is, I should get at least three hours of sleep before starting all over again. Sorry, this is going to be one of those stream of consciousness posts that go on and on in a giant block of text without any real point. I am listening to Portuguese music and “attempting” to do some research on eugenics. I am actually surprised how well this paper is turning out. I wanted to translate German poetry instead, but apparently that is not allowed. I need valid sources. Apparently I am not a valid source. When do you get to the point where you can translate your own research? Maybe never. But that is alright, because what I am working on now if far more exciting. For those of you wondering, Ducky is officially walking. And he made the cutest noise at me tonight. I showed him a fuzzy pink thing. Which he immediately shoved in his mouth and tried swallowing. But after I told him we don’t eat fuzzy pink things, he started playing with it. Then he showed it to me and said”AH!” It was cute in that baby cute way. I have new eye liner. It is actually ridiculously sexy and I didn’t even mean for it to be. I almost feel like I should not be wearing this to work.

Alright, I had to split this paragraph up, it was hurting my eyes just writing it. I want to get a pedicure. Maybe I will have some time tomorrow. Maybe. I have a new winter coat. But the weather changed again. Why is it still hot in the middle of October? Something about that is just not right. I haven’t done yoga in almost three months. I miss my random strange poses. Eurydice is going to be performed at the Santa Monica theater in March. I am excited. Five months in advance. Or was it May? We have already established I can’t read calendars, so maybe I should look into this a little more so we don’t have a Tina Dico incident again. Next thing you know I will be going to an off Broadway production of God knows what in order to compensate. I want to go to a jazz lounge again. And I want to go to the Coffee Machine. I haven’t been there in years. I went to Starbucks the other day. Not quite the same. But the coffee is good.

Anyway, if anyone is still reading this (except for Tanya), then good night. More interesting posts to follow. I promise.