Our circadian rhythms aren’t in tune. While he sleeps soundly I am wide awake. I fidget around, and reach for him, but he is not there. My fingers can map out his anatomy from memory, and I rebuild it in my head.Then I get up and write another letter I am never going to send. Most of them are fragmented at best, letters that don’t know where to begin. Even as I write each one I know I will delete them, so I don’t have to worry about the introductory parts. What kind of beginning could they have? “Hi there, missed you. I know it is has been a while, but um, do you think that maybe you’ve changed your mind about everything?” My writing abilities at their best.

I am sure if I thought about it I could find some sort of preamble. But even so, they will never be sent. He made his point very clearly, so what part of that did I not understand? Do I really need my rejection reiterated for good measure?

Or nothing. No reply, just ignored, not worth the trouble.

I am not sure which one is worse.

He has probably forgotten about me and wouldn’t want to deal with all that again. If he wanted to be here, he would. He is not… so… I am no logician, but…

Another inadequate letter gets deleted in the middle of the night.

Maybe I should just have Tina Dico write my letters.

I am not even sure what that song has to do with anything, but I know I want to feel like that again.

And I want our circadian rhythms to match.